My Ex and I Can’t Agree Regarding Our Children: What Can I Do?

When a relationship or marriage unravels, deciding on the arrangements for your children can be the most emotionally fraught aspect to navigate. Disagreements can surface about who the children will live with, how much time they’ll spend with the other parent, and how decisions about their upbringing will be made. 

If you cannot mutually agree with your ex-partner, you’re likely feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about the next steps. Notta Taj Law is here to help you with the child arrangements process and the pertinent family law in England and Wales, helping you to navigate this challenging terrain.

Common Disagreements on Children After Separation

When a couple separates, they must decide on child arrangements that consider the children’s best interests. It is often a contentious area because both parents typically want to spend time with their children and make decisions about their upbringing. 

Common disagreements can include:

• Living Arrangements: Deciding where the children will live after separation can be challenging, especially if parents want primary custody.
• Contact Arrangements: Agreeing on a schedule for the children’s time with each parent can be difficult, especially if there are conflicting work schedules or geographical distances.
• Parental Responsibility involves making important decisions about the child’s upbringing, such as education and medical care. Disagreements may arise over who has ultimate decision-making authority.
• Schooling: Parents may disagree on important issues such as which school the children should attend, whether they should be homeschooled or attend a public or private school, or even the educational philosophy to follow. 

These disagreements can become complex, especially when factoring in logistical issues such as distance to the school from each parent’s home and managing drop-offs and pick-ups.

Steps to Resolve Disagreements Amicably

When it comes to resolving child arrangement disagreements, the key is to approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to find a solution that is in the best interests of your children. 

Here are some steps you can take:

Open Communication: The Importance of Dialogue

The first step in resolving any disagreement is communication. It is crucial to have open and honest conversations with your ex-partner about your concerns, needs, and desires for your children’s arrangements. This involves active listening and being respectful of each other’s opinions. It is important to try to put aside any personal issues and try to independently address the issues in respect of the children.

Understanding Each Other’s Perspectives

It can be challenging to see eye-to-eye with your ex-partner after a separation, but trying to understand their perspective is essential. This can help you find common ground and work towards a solution for both of you.

Revisiting Your Shared Goals: The Wellbeing of Your Children

While it may be challenging to put your differences aside, it is crucial to remember that the ultimate goal is the well-being of your children. Take a step back and consider what is best for them in the long term.

Mediation: A Neutral Third Party

If you and your ex-partner are struggling to agree, consider seeking the help of a mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who can facilitate discussions and help you find common ground.

Professional Guidance: The Role of Family Law Solicitors

Family law solicitors can provide professional guidance and support throughout the child arrangement process. They can help you understand your legal rights and responsibilities and provide practical advice on resolving disagreements.

Collaborative Family Law: A Constructive Approach

Collaborative family law involves both parties working with their respective solicitors to find a mutually agreeable solution. It focuses on open communication, respect, and reaching a fair outcome without going to court.

Legal Arbitration: A Last Resort before Court Proceedings

If all else fails, you may need to consider legal arbitration. This involves a neutral third party deciding on the disputed issues. It is often seen as a last resort before heading to court proceedings.

Maintaining Civility for the Sake of Your Children

It is essential to remain civil with your ex-partner throughout the process. This not only sets a good example for your children but also helps in reaching an amicable resolution.

Being Patient and Respectful: A Key to Resolution

Resolving disagreements takes time, patience, and respect. It is crucial to avoid getting emotional or confrontational during discussions and instead focus on finding a solution that works for everyone involved.

Future Planning: Establishing a Workable Long-Term Arrangement

Remember that the child arrangement agreement is not set in stone. As your children grow and circumstances change, it may need revisited and adjusted. Keep an open mind and continue to prioritise the well-being of your children in future planning.  

Overall, resolving child arrangement disagreements amicably requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to work together for the sake of your children. Seek professional guidance and approach the process patiently and respectfully to find a solution that best meets your family’s needs.  

The Law on Child Arrangements in England and Wales

In England and Wales, the law recognises that children benefit from having a meaningful relationship with both parents if it is safe and reasonable. 

In most cases, it is generally believed that children benefit from having a healthy relationship with both parents, and the courts will try to facilitate this through child arrangement orders.

Types of Child Arrangement Orders

There are multiple types of child arrangement orders (under section 8 of the Children Act 1989) that can be made by the court, including:

• Child arrangements order: Specifies who the child will live with and spend time with and how often. It also outlines who has parental responsibility and what decisions can be made.
• Prohibited steps order: This prohibits a parent from taking specific actions, such as leaving the country with the child or changing their school without consent.
• Specific issue order addresses specific issues parents cannot agree on, such as medical treatment or schooling choices. 

Factors Considered by the Courts

When making decisions about child arrangements, the courts will consider several factors, including:

• The child’s wishes and feelings (if they are of an appropriate age to express them)
• The child’s physical, emotional, and educational needs
• Any risk of harm posed by either parent
• Each parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs and provide a safe and stable environment for them
• The parent’s ability to cooperate and communicate effectively regarding the child’s upbringing.

Achieve Harmony in Child Arrangement with Notta Taj Law

At Notta Taj Law, we understand the importance of achieving harmony in child arrangements for the well-being of your children and family. Led by Naheed Taj, one of the top family lawyers in London, our firm specialises in providing compassionate and effective legal support for families going through difficult times. 

Contact us today to learn more about how we can assist you in achieving harmony in your child’s arrangement.  So, if you face difficulties resolving child arrangement disagreements, do not hesitate to seek our professional guidance.